And there are no robots.

The other day I bought a home weatherproofing kit, which consists of a large roll of clear plastic, double-sided tape, and some alcohol cleaning wipes. The idea is that you use the tape to stick the plastic over your windows, after cleaning the frames with the wipes to make sure they stick well.

Heating my home is a vexing problem, especially now that I've moved into a room with a very high ceiling, large windows near the top, and one electric heater with a broken knob that sits too close to the bed to use anyway. I've got a single space heater, which I'm afraid to turn on too high for worry over the electric bill. But I'm told that these window-sealing kits work very well.

They don't here, in any case. First of all, just getting to my windows is impossible without a ladder. Stacking a coffee table and a sea-chest on my bed barely let me reach, plus there was the persistent fear that it might unbalance and drop me any second. Second, it turns out that the old window frames are too asymmetrical to get a flush seal. And, the windows are too tall for the sheets to fit. So, no insulation for me.

The next day, I bought long underwear.

By the grace of Cindy, I have stopped trying to find someone to program a webpage for our business, and figured out how to do it myself. Pretty much. The current template is online at www.northwestlawoffice.com now. The links don't work yet (largely because I don't have all the text we need), and some of the art needs to be revised, but it at least looks like something.

Everyone should email all of these guys just to say 'Meep.'

The opposing counsel in my recent divorce case is this older woman, very experienced, and very conservative. (She also says that she's a Reedie, from the '60s, which kind of blows my mind...) That, or she just likes making reactionary statements, to get a rise out of you baby yeah, for shits and giggles. In our conferences and negotiations, she was always making off-the-cuff statements about how she's afraid the government will force her to buy health insurance, or how much better society was when everyone felt really guilty about sex, or something. Yesterday before trial, while we were sitting at counsel table waiting for the judge, she was going off about how much more dangerous the world is for kids these days, how when she was a kid you could just walk around and not worry about being abducted, and so on.

I long ago realized that the only thing to do with people who do this is to ignore, or, at least, refuse to engage. But Ian, who co-counseled the case with me, loves to debate and can't resist the chance to talk, so they went at it a bit. I mostly sat back and raised my eyebrows dubiously and went over my notes. At one point, though, she came out with, "You can't tell me that all the violence today isn't related to all those video games kids have." Before I could stop myself, I murmured, "Yes, and we probably wouldn't have furries without the internet, right?"

Ian and my client both laughed out loud. The OC and her client looked bewildered. "What are furries?" I declined to explain until the judge arrived.

Today I drove past a car dealership that had one of those big electronic billboards - the kind that are basically TVs looking out onto the highway, inviting you to watch their BRIGHT SHINY COMMERCIAL MESSAGE and crash into the car in front of you. I only glanced at it for a second, but in that moment, it had a big picture of a scarlet macaw, captioned, lolcat-like, with the words "I GOT FINANCING!"

.
..
...

Hey, moneylender dudes: If you didn't extend credit to anyone with as much repayment potential as a parrot, maybe the economy wouldn't be quite this bad, yeah what?

* * *

I thought of this joke the other day:

Q: Why can Jack Bauer never make good pizza sauce?

A: Because there's NOT ENOUGH THYME!!

... I'm here all week. Try the veal.

* * *

I've taken to collecting chestnuts. My neighborhood is full of chestnut trees, and they litter the ground right now. I initially started to collect them because I thought they might be edible - sometimes during Christmas season, someone sells fire-roasted chestnuts from a kiosk in Pioneer Square, and they're really good. But it turns out that these nuts are a different species, and poisonous. (Fortunately I figured this out before feeding them to myself or others.) But they're awfully shiny and pretty, in a way. So I still have them. And then - I don't recall exactly what inspired this, but I blame Cindy - I've proceeded to attach googly eyes to them, one apiece, with mounting putty. There weren't enough eyes for all, but I'll try to get moar. Now they ones with eyes are on a little dish on my dresser, next to my grandfather's watch and a little model Wall-E and other fine things. I think of them as little spirits, like the squeaking little sprites that always appear in Miyazaki movies. I picture them moving by bouncing or squirming like amoebas, absorbing nutrients through their skins and communing with each other in their little bowl. They have a cuddle-based economy. They hope that more of their kind can be rescued from the ground and given the gift of sight. If you keep them in your pocket and feed them breadcrumbs, they can help you in times of peril by going out and scouting for you.

Now I may not be able to eat chestnuts at Christmas anymore. Man, this trend has to stop.

The last time I was in Detroit visiting my parents, I went to a bar and ate some fried mushrooms. A couple of days later, I became violently ill, and spent the next two days ... well, never mind, but it was hideous.

I remembered this only after having eaten a bunch of fried vegetables for lunch this afternoon, and have felt rather nauseous since.

It's probably all a coincidence. I have no reason to think that this is actually what made me sick. But it's still unsettling. I'm even wearing the same suit today that I was on that trip =}

Do you ever have that kind of unpleasant association with a food, or something else that you encountered before an illness or other misfortune? I had a lot of these as a little kid, but I think I've toughened up a bit; I can't remember any. Still, if I get sick for real again, I'm not taking a third chance. I have my first divorce trial on Monday. This would not be a good time to get sick.

Ian, Shannon and I just found leaflets stuck under the windshield wipers of our cars, attributed to the National Socialist Movement. They are not written very clearly, but they seem to assert that the Auschwitz concentration camp wasn't really a concentration camp, or it was but it didn't really kill as many people as you think, or something. It includes an email address and a website URL. (In case, you know, anyone wants to DOS these guys...)

I knew in theory that Portland had a Neo-Nazi community, but I had never seen them actually do anything before. I'd love to think of something to sue these guys for, but I can't come up with anything just yet. If anyone has any ideas, let me know =P

(Cross-posted to damnportlanders.)

I just finished reading Paladin of Souls last night, for the first time - first time in a long time I've had time to read a book purely for pleasure. Or, ok, I didn't really have time, but I made the time.

* * *

Bill Sparkman, a part-time U.S. Census worker, was found hanged, a couple weeks ago, in rural Kentucky, with the word 'FED' drawn or scratched on his chest.

This, of course, comes on the heels of endless 'tea parties' villifying the government (and attended by disabled citizens on Medicaid and SSI, natch), town hall meetings attended by concerned citizens carrying guns and pictures of President Obama defaced to look like Hitler, and absurd lies and gestures from leading officials in the Republican Party - but, of course, the right wing noise machine is blameless. Right?

It seems that every time the left wing of the country gains in power, ever since Carter at the least, the right wing side goes apeshit. This ought not to be so surprising, and the left wing reacts to right wing displays of power with hysterics of its own - but the left's extremists, no matter how loony, generally don't kill people in this country. We've seen no intentional assassinations of Schumaker's dealers from the people who protest fur; no killings in the name of ecological conservatism or (one would hope) ending wars. (We saw unintentional killings that resulted from arson by the left, decades ago, but, while reprehensible and stupid, that did not constitute the same sort of crime as deliberately torturing and killing a Federal employee, or a gay man, or an women's health doctor.)

Politics is not value-neutral; it is the considered attempt to impose one's values upon a one's fellow citizens, and demands that those values, and the policies they engender, be evaluated on their merits. It should surprise no one that the American right's fringe is violent, selfish and bigoted: the values that permeate its political thought, glorify force, covetousness, and dogmatic uniformity - even among more mainstream members - who, to be fair, would never hurt anyone unprovoked. Its origins are not evil, based on fundamental good ideals like self-reliance and individual rights, but the practical capture of those ideas has been lost along the way. I'm inclined to blame the dogmatism for this. When we lose the ability to question ourselves and the rules we live by, brutality is never far behind. (The Left has lost plenty of its good ideas along the way too, at times - but, again, generally does not murder people, which is what I'm ranting about tonight.)

I'm not saying that conservatism should be outlawed. I'm not suggesting that free speech rights should be abated one jot. I am arguing only that there is a causal connection between the nature of modern conservative rhetoric and the violence committed by the fringes of the groups that embrace it (a point, of course, that has been made well before me), and that we, as progressive policymakers, should direct our attentions to finding new ways to stop it. Reasoned discourse - the usual answer to 'the evils of free speech' - so far hasn't been working too well. I don't know what will. But until we figure it out, more people like Mr. Sparkman will be at genuine risk.

* * *

'Your Father calls you to His Court. You need not pack; you go garbed in glory as you stand. He waits eagerly by His palace doors to welcome you, and has prepared a place at His high table by His side, in the company of the great-souled, honored, and best-beloved. In this I speak true.'

My computer may not be dead after all. We'll see.

In the meantime, I'm finding that I didn't transfer enough data from my old computer to this new one, and my files are full of holes. It's most frustrating. I'd better get the old one back before the first, so I can pay rent. Reconciling the two sets of logs is going to be very tedious.

I should be working right now, but all I want to do is read, or go out and ride my bike through what's left of the summer. There isn't much left of it.

My computer died tonight. It shut off and wouldn't restart, while I was in the middle of writing an email.

This was, to put it mildly, scary. My computer is absolutely essential for my business. Of course I have all my client data backed up (though not my personal data, music, pictures, and all - that's a lot more bytes, albeit less important), but if I don't have a computer, I can't do anything with it.

It was not, however, terribly surprising. The computer's been making a terrible grinding noise for weeks, whenever the fan runs, or at least, I think that's what it is. It could be that the fan motor is breaking. I hope that's all that it is, and not, say, the hard drive about to die.

The computer started working again a little bit later, so the immediate crisis is averted, but this obviously can't be neglected for any longer. Right now I'm trying to get by with a bare minimum of applications, checking the temperature sensors constantly (though I don't know what's a normal range for them), and propping the computer up on some pads, above the desk, to let air flow underneath. Not sustainable. At a minimum, I have to get someone to look at it and see if the fan needs to be replaced, and if that doesn't help, then something else... of course, I don't know how I'm going to afford this. I literally have not a penny to my name right now. Nor can I afford to be without the thing for a few days while it gets repaired. To earn any more money, I need to work, which requires the computer. Funny, that.

No more nonessential applications, until this is resolved. If I'm absent for a time, this is the reason.

So the sign out front isn't going to happen. I visited the Multnomah County permits office today, and discovered that my office's location - in inner NW Portland, right outside downtown, the perfect place for a law office - is in a legally protected historic district of some sort. No exterior alterations to any of the buildings in this area are permitted unless first approved by some board for compliance with historical aesthetics, or something. The cost of this review process, according to the guy at the desk, is $1,045. Plus the $125 for the sign permit. Plus whatever the actual sign costs.

However, window displays are specifically exempt, and require no applications. So it looks like it'll be vinyl lettering on the front windows after all. Thanks, antayla!

A particular button on my Macintosh laptop has shown a disturbing inability to function today. I know that occasional authors will consciously avoid using this symbol in writing major works of fiction, but I lack this skill, and it still is a substantial trial, particularly for writing court applications. If my trusty laptop cannot function, my situation may fall rapidly.

Not a shining bit of writing, is this? It's just as difficult as it looks. =P

My office-mates and I need to make a sign for the entrance to our office. The landlord doesn't want us to physically attach anything to the side of the building, so it needs to be free-standing. We're thinking of getting a large, rustic-looking bucket, filling it with dirt (maybe planting some flowers in it), and having a wooden beam stick out, with another beam at 90 degrees and shingles hanging down from that. This will require:

• A bucket
• Some cement or sand or other weights, to hold it down
• Wooden beams (2" or 4" in diameter, one maybe 2' long, the other 4' or so)
• Four wooden slats (for the signs - each, say, 5" by 20")
• Metal braces, screws, and so on to hold it together
• Metal rings to hang the slats, one from the other
• Paint, to put text on the signs. Some kind of stencils might help with this too.
• Some way of making this waterproof - varnish of some sort?
• Sandpaper. I already have a drill and power screwdriver.

So, two questions:
Any idea where I might find these things? I'm initially thinking of Hippo Hardware, but maybe there are other ideas.

Anyone want to help build it? I could probably do it myself, but it'd be good to have the help of someone who actually knows what they're doing, and it could be fun.

Edit: It turns out that, in order to legally erect a sign in Portland, you need to apply for a permit, which requires a complete diagram of the proposed sign. And a $125 application fee. To start. This is twice what I was prepared to spend on the actual sign. Sheesh.

Notes to self:

I have Ian's air conditioner.
I have Anna's copy of No One Belongs Here More Than You, and one day I really ought to read some of it.
I have Joel's fencing foil. From like six years ago. He can have it back any time he wants, really.
I have Katie's carnivorous plants, until I can get up to Seattle with them.
I have Cindy's snail. He needs foods.

Gavin has my Firefly dvds.
Cindy has my screwdriver and ratchet set.
Diana has, or had, my copy of How the Mind Works, but I don't think I'm ever getting that back.

Let this say what it will about us each.

There's a giant construction crane set up near where I live downtown (at the corner of NW 15th and Lovejoy) right now, for some building project. The counterweighted end has these giant white wedges attached, hanging down in a ratcheted row. Like bristles. Hanging Christmas lights or other decorations on these huge cranes is a Portland tradition, but this is the first one that looks like an enormous toothbrush.

This morning I was helping Cindy pack up her house, when someone knocked on the door. The newcomer was their next-door neighbor, who held two tiny kittens in her arms. She'd found them outside Cindy's house, and wondered if they belonged there. They didn't, but we agreed to take charge of them anyway.

A quick review of available resources was discouraging. Dove Lewis would take them only for emergencies, and would charge a lot of money. The Oregon Humane Society, it turns out, "does not take walk-ins" (whatever that means), and apparently also wants $100 to take strays. They referred me to the Multnomah County Animal Control commission, which would be happy to take them, but which, the rather callous phone operator informed me, would almost certainly kill them - "We get about 60 animals a day, we adopt out two a day - it's not hard to do the math." Meanwhile the kittens were climbing in and out of boxes and looking in the mirror and playing with the metal things on my belt. No.

So we ended up taking them to Cindy's friend Aviva, who knows how to handle these things, and agreeing to handle the process of finding permanent homes. Cindy can't take them - she doesn't know where she'll be living in two weeks. I can't take them - my apartment doesn't allow pets, and it wouldn't really be professional for an office anyway. We'll be hitting the usual web spots. Pictures forthcoming.

Warning: Spoilers for the endgame phase of a "room escape" game that, frankly, could do with some spoiling:

( How to make a handy device that would totally work to get things you can't reach behind the furniture: )

These games are a little too abstract sometimes.

So I just found a giant ODB Bug crawling around on my bed, right before I was supposed to go to sleep.

I put a glass over it and took it outside, but I have to ask: How worried should I be that there will be more of them?

Take note, everyone:

The Oregon Senate has (finally) passed a bill that prohibits talking on a cell phone while driving. The bill contains a number of exceptions that limit its usefulness, including one for hands-free headsets - which may not be well-advised, as these are devices are not safe to use while driving either - but it's better than what we had before, which was nothing.

The bill passed narrowly, with almost all Democrats voting in favor and almost all Republicans voting against. Explaining his opposition, Senator Jeff Kruse (R-Roseburg) argued that "This is more nanny state" [sic] and "let's leave the people of Oregon alone for God's sake!" Senator Kruse went on to say, "To single out cell phones as the only bad thing [we] do when driving is absurd. My wife puts on makeup while driving... tell me that's safe." (Citation in above link.)

I'm not sure I follow the logic of this argument. On one level, it suggests that Senator Kruse believes that, if we can't stop people from doing everything that endangers themselves and others, we shouldn't stop them from doing anything that endangers themselves and others, regardless of degree. And on another level, the Senator has admitted that his wife drives dangerously and is a danger to public safety. There's a winning argument for listening to the guy about safety legislation.

Anyway, it's the law. Hang up and drive.